Dear Maleva,
I think I need your advice.I read your advice to Desperate Tanguera.
I am planning a trip to Buenos Aires later this year for the first time. I have heard from couple of women who have been there to watch out for smooth talking, smooth dancing, Argentine men at milongas because they are only after money and sex from unsuspecting American and European women. Are there really such men lurking in milongas? And if true, how can I avoid them?
Should I go with a tango group tour which is kind of expensive to avoid getting into a sorry situation? I don't want to become another Desperate Tanguera, at the same time, I don't want to lose my money or taken advantage of. I can follow so-so but nowhere near Argentine tangueras, I'm sure. Can you help?
Unsuspecting Susie

Dear Unsuspecting Susie,

It's funny but many of the recent questions people have sent to me concern men, women and tango - it seems that tango relationships are much more difficult than actually dancing!

As for your question, would you sleep with or give money to men you did not know well here in the US? If not, then don't do it in Argentina either. Don't let the rules that apply in 'real life' suddenly slip because you are in the seductive world of the milongas or in a romantic foreign city.

Yes, it is true that there are smooth talking (Argentine) men in tango who are just out for money and sex. But my dear, those men are lurking everywhere, not just in the milongas! Go out to a bar in any city, in any country and you will meet any number of men who will try to sweet-talk you into bed without any intention of calling you again in the morning. You must deal with the rogues that you meet in tango the same way you deal with the players in 'real life' . Don't take them seriously unless you are just out for a good time too. Accept their dances - and their free drinks ;) - and leave it at that. Argentine men don't have special powers that will make you loose all rational thought and take off your clothes just because they ask you to.

In the milongas of Buenos Aires, as well as the milongas in other parts of the world you need to use your common sense. If you decide to have 'coffee' with someone after just meeting him, and maybe having a few well-connected tangos, then that is your choice (there is absolutely nothing wrong with it). But just realize that it will not turn into something more than what it is - a one night stand.

Also, you will have the power to say yes or no to men with or without other members of a group tour around you. There are many reasons for choosing to go with a group tour to Buenos Aires, but I don't think that 'protection from the lurking men' needs to be one of them (although that would be interesting claim for the brochure!) . If anything, being part of a group tour may just make you stand out more as a tourist and as someone who might be easily-wooed. Being with other people is not necessarily going to protect you from the advances of strangers. I did not go to Buenos Aires with a group, but I did go with a boyfriend, and I was asked out for coffee none-the-less. But if a man makes an advance and you decline him politely, he's going to leave it at that. Heck, Argentine men won't even come over to a lady's table to ask for a dance for fear of their rejection becoming public! Turn them down nicely and they are not going to make a big deal of it.

And of course, most of the men in the milongas in Argentina are not going to make passes at you anyhow. I think most of them are there simply because they love to dance. Either way, if you are concerned, why don't you just make a promise to yourself that - no matter what - you will not to get together with any strange man beyond the friendly level while you are there? Unless of course, he's really cute....