Ask Maleva: A Tango Advice Column

September 2004

Dear Maleva,

I was dancing at a milonga recently, when, to my unspeakable dismay, the man I was dancing with let out a big wet sneeze in the direction of the open side of the embrace, causing a shower of snotty droplets to land on my hand. As if for good measure, he then extricated his hand, coughed heartily into it, and seized my hand again to resume dancing. All without warning or apology. Maleva, I was horrified. I know I should have said something, but I was so appalled that words failed me, and besides, all I could think of was how fast I could hurry to the restroom to scrub my arms to the elbows, twice, with excess soap. And the most worrisome thing is, if I had not witnessed the sneeze, I would not have known how urgently to go wash my hands. The man contaminated all his subsequent dance partners, and most likely the ones he danced with previously, as well. This insidious incident certainly tops all the body odour and bad breath I've ever smelled!

Maleva, don't you agree that sick people don't belong at a milonga, where they stick their contagious face into other people's faces, for hours on end? It's a Public Health problem!
The first winter I danced tango, a few years ago, I got sick 3 times, twice with a 24-hour stomach bug (of cruise ship notoriety), and once with a throat infection. All well-documented instances of milonga contaminations.

I have since adopted certain common-sense measures that have so far prevented other infections. I take every opportunity to wash my hands, with liquid dishwashing detergent if available. I carry in my purse one of those instant no-water hand sanitizers (Purell) that they use in hospitals, it's an alcohol-based gel which you rub on your hands and which evaporates in a few seconds. It's actually pretty discrete, and especially great for tango on location. When I have to eat a snack or pop a mint and I can't wash my hands first, I touch the food only with the hand that's usually on the partner's shoulder. (People's shirts are cleaner than their hands). I've been healthy ever since, so far so good, but what about that guy?

I have no intention of ever dancing with this revolting personnage again, but given that he is of the shoulder-tapping school (rather than the more easily deflectable head-nodding persuasion), I am likely to have to come up with some excuse or explanation. I have half a mind to tell him the truth. If he's upset, Good! He'll never ask me again. Maleva, what do you think?

-Indignant Milonguera


Dear Indignant Milonguera,

First: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Second: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Third: I can't believe he didn't even apologize!

Your letter is especially appropriate as we are approaching the cooler weather and cold season. Sneezes and coughs are bound to happen once in a while whether you are sick or not. But you usually can feel them coming a few seconds before and should have time to extricate yourself from the embrace and direct them into an appropriate place - such as, preferably, a handkerchief or napkin, or -- if no other option -- into the crook of your elbow. Plus sneezes and coughs can always be stifled so that no phlegm is sprayed. An apology should always be offered no matter how harmless and spray-free the sneeze is.

I know tango is addictive and it can be hard to miss a couple of milongas, but if you really ARE sick it is extremely inconsiderate and selfish to go out and pass your germs around. You will be contagious even if you are not sneezing and even if you have taken cold medicine so no one can tell you are sick. Please do everyone a favor and stay home and rest until you are feeling better.

As for the victims of the sneezers and coughers, Indignant Milonguera's suggestion of carrying Purell hand sanitizer is a very good one. This alcohol-based gel makes it easy to disinfect yourself after dancing with an unsavory partner or before eating.

And Indignant Milonguera, it can be pretty hard to be frank with people about hygiene issues and even if it's too uncomfortable to tell this person why, you certainly should never dance with him again!

PS -I bet he doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom either!

* * *

Dear Maleva,
I am confused about which way to turn my head as a follower. Some teachers tell me to turn my head to the right so I am looking at the open side of the embrace. (I heard Omar Vega say that the woman should look at the man's heart.) But other teachers say that the follower should always look straight over the leader's shoulder. I see women dancing both ways out at the milongas. Which way should I look???
-Head Case

Dear Head Case,

The way you should hold your head depends on how the leader holds you. His embrace will probably make one option or the other more comfortable. If a leader holds you off to his right side, not directly in front of him, then turning your head towards the leader will make sense in this offset position. If you keep your head straight in this offset position then your heads probably wouldn't touch and you would feel a little disconnected - or you would have to take your torso out of line to bring your right cheek closer to his. You can see pictures of Elina Roldan and El Pibe Sarandi dancing in an offset embrace by clicking here.

When you do turn your head towards the man it is common to only touch the top of your forehead to his cheek, like Elina does in the pictures, not your whole forehead and nose and even mouth - which is the more intimate 'I want to kiss you' position!

If the guy's embrace keeps you right in front of him (sternum to sternum) then there is not space to turn the head towards him without really crunching your face into him, pushing with the nose, and pulling your head back into your neck. It will be much more comfortable for both of you to look over his right shoulder.

(In case you are wondering what to do with your left arm as well, the offset close-embrace position also allows the lady to put her arm around the middle of the guys back like in these pictures of El Pibe and Elina because the ladies armpit is on the guys arm and she can reach around with her whole arm without the elbow jutting out of the embrace. If the man keeps the lady right in front of him then her armpit is lined up with his armpit. His bicep is in the way of her upper arm and she can only reach around from the elbow down, and her elbow sticks out. In order for her elbow not to stick out then she should go up and over the top of his shoulder.)

If the guy is much taller than you then do whatever you can to make it comfortable for yourself. Generally I turn my head to my right, regardless of the leaders embrace when he is very tall; otherwise my nose would be in his armpit!